Imposter!
Do you ever feel like an imposter? I do. We are all imperfect when we compare ourselves to our own contrived desire for perfection. Perfect house, perfect car, perfect clothing or perfect physique.
Perfection(ist)
No person has the perfect life for long. Even if things are really great for a while, everything changes. You may have one category that seems perfect, but other things are dragging you down. Ugh!
Social media has a way of making me feel like an imposter. I posted a picture of my husband and me to celebrate our 26th anniversary. It was taken a few years ago. One of my friends commented on how nice we looked in it. So, I replied that it was an old pic, trying to clear my conscience of any fraud. It was a nice pic- so what if it was older? Perhaps, at our wedding. It was just us together. Does anyone really care when it was taken? Probably not.
Healing from the core violation of child sexual abuse and human trafficking is similar to healing from a massive car wreck. There are stages and degrees of healing in certain areas. With a wreck, the immediate control of bleeding and stabilization of vital signs is the first priority. Concerns of disfigurement take a back seat at that moment. And financial health or possessions involved are irrelevant. Once stable, other considerations can be addressed.
Child sexual abuse survivors have a similar trajectory, except that it’s not so obvious to see the urgency of stabilizing our hearts before trying to repair other areas of our lives. The healing comes concurrently, but there must be a focus on the core of the person. Going to college won’t fix a person. Getting a great job or living in a nice house doesn’t bring peace. It’s the heart and soul that requires healing first. There may be physical damage too.
Unmet Expectations
I feel like an imposter if I’m not peaceful and healthy. That is a made-up expectation that I put on myself.
By all accounts, I survived a tragic life. I’m not satisfied with the prospect of living in continuous pain, but that doesn’t make me an imposter, even when I feel like one. It makes me strive to get stronger and pay attention to what areas of my life still need healing.
You may have known someone, maybe yourself, who’d been in a terrible accident. It took them time to heal and that healing comes in stages. Healing the cuts and bruises, broken bones and repairing damaged muscles is just one part of the journey. Then, comes rehab. Learning to walk in pain or learning to cope with the new normal of a wheelchair are both difficult. Even if healing went well and full function is returned, sometimes other problems crop up related to the accident. Panic or anxiety could become an issue. Stiff achy joints or chronic stomach problems could show up years later and continue due to the initial internal injury.
So, if you feel like an imposter, because you don’t have it all together, please remember that our imperfections make us unique. I hope you won’t allow self-imposed standards of perfection to hammer you down. When you are having trouble physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially, relationally, or internally, please remember, as I have reminded myself recently, ‘We are perfect, when we are perfectly content with ourselves’.
Perfection is Fleeting
That’s not to say that I won’t pay attention to being stressed out or rest if I have pain. It just means that I won’t put the emotional pressure on myself to perform to some arbitrary standard.
As I look at myself and the various areas of my life, I see lots of room for improvement. That doesn’t make me an imposter. It makes me a survivor. In some areas of my life, I have done well. That doesn’t make me perfect, it means that in that aspect, I thrive.
I hope you will thrive more and more in every stage of your healing.