Overcome Fear

Fear can be immobilizing. Literally.

People in leadership often talk about fear and its ability to keep you from reaching goals.  Fear of failure surely can keep a person from starting new things or taking on tasks.

I have experienced fear that is way beyond that.  When I was a teen, my friend’s black labrador bit through my hand.  Later, he tore the deltoid muscle from a two year old’s shoulder.  I developed a fear of dogs.  In my twenties, it had devolved into petrification. 

One day I was pushing my children in a stroller. As a large dog approached, I froze.  He was barking and the kids were afraid, but I couldn’t move.  I decided that day that I would have to deal with it. There would be no more avoiding dogs in my life.

So, I got a puppy.  I bought a chocolate Lab.  It was a little less scary than a black one.  As we went through the process, I met the Dam and the Sire.  As our puppy grew, I learned more about dog behavior and read more books.  I will say that books didn’t help before the experience, but they did during and after.

I was badly abused as a child and in my teen years I was kidnapped and raped more than a few times.  I was often sold among the mill buildings of our small city, down by the river.  I was kept there by manipulation and fear, not with physical ties or locks.  One time, though, I stood my ground and wouldn’t go.  So, I was forced into the car and when I tried to fight, my captor pushed my head to the floor and cut off my air by wedging his foot under the front seat repeatedly until I was unable to fight anymore.  He then brought me up metal stairs to his cousin’s gym in the three story, all brick structure.

The long lasting feelings of fear were very strong and caused panic sometimes.  I would breathe in rapid shallow breaths and that would cascade into immobilization rapidly whenever I was in the area or one similar for many years.  I shuddered and occasionally became disoriented or unable to articulate to those around me.

Obviously, that is no way to live.  So, I took some self defense classes at a small martial arts studio in a rural strip mall.  

One of the things we did often in class was breaking choke holds. At first, I panicked and didn’t use the moves I was taught.  After a number of times of telling myself that I was safe, my coach can be trusted, the people in the room with me cared for me and that I was in control of my situation, I was able to use the new skills I’d learned. 

Then, I signed up for classes designed for women.  They are held in a mill building, down by the river in another city.  The stairs are metal, the walls, brick, the rivets stick up a little and the paint is peeling.  It is not an updated, beautified building.  It is very similar to the one connected to the experience I had. Again, I have to talk to myself.

This time, I know I can without a doubt.  Baby steps are all we need to overcome fear.  One step at a time.  

The fear you face may or may not be as intense as what I have related, but it can be just as immobilizing in your life, your business, your relationships or progress toward other goals.

How do you over come fear?