Teddy Bears and Tattletales
Teach your kids to talk. No one likes a constant tattle tale, but silence is the enemy.
There are so many problems that can be handled with some discussion. Everyone develops at their own pace and by their own unique path. It is amazing to me that when children don’t meet predetermined standards, they get labeled as slow, or ADD or ADHD or whatever.
Communication is a very important part of development. Some kids are better at it than others. Let’s face it, some adults are better at it than others. I have five children and they are all different. My first spoke clearly articulated sentences at about a year old. My third child had a significant speech impediment and wouldn’t talk to non family members until she was five.
Our family is all about talking it out. When we had anything come up that was disturbing or exciting or even monotonous, we talked. Whether we were hanging in the living room or sitting on the end of the bed at night there were targeted times to talk. We talked when we got up in the morning, as we went through our day and every time something significant happened, we talked about the behavior we should choose, the implications for the future and the best perspective to have.
We were very involved in our church when the kids were younger. My husband and I taught Sunday School and worked with the youth among other stuff. So, once when the kids had a dispute and parents took great offense. We talked about the Biblical response. We talked about the way various people perceived the situation and how they dealt with it. We talked about the leadership style of the people involved and how they might handle each circumstance.
This should not be perceived as an absolute in our relationships. There were plenty of things I found out about years after they happened. It was the general rule though and probably has a lot to do with that fact that people are amazed at the maturity of our children and what they have been able to accomplish.
Suffering in silence was the hallmark of my childhood. We were taught how to keep the secrets of our abuse. If you ask relatives, they will tell you I was sneaky. I didn’t know any better. Our abusers were adept at teaching us how to be quiet and not let on what was happening. The training and terrible threats were very effective. We became very covert too. My sister and I acted out in different ways, but neither of us could talk about the abuse until well into our twenties and thirties. There were other women too that told of his brutality. Because we kept silent, he went on free to continue the reign of terror.
There is a statute of limitations on child abuse, even child molestation. Even when we could talk about it, nothing could be done. So, teach your kids to talk. “See something, Say something” is not a bad motto to have. Hopefully, they never know any abuse, good communication is essential for success.
How do you find ways to keep your kids talking?