Too Much of a Good Thing?

Education and awareness about child abuse and child sexual abuse is s good thing. Helping people spot the signs of abuse, broach the subject with dignity, ask the right questions, and mostly handle suspected or acknowledged abuse victims with compassion and wisdom is of utmost importance in our over-sexualized culture. Media influences the way we live. Soft porn, Fifty Shades of Gray, sex crimes shows, even the hook-up comedies, and especially the commercials are all pushing lasciviousness on us.

But is there too much? When we talk about these things and the implications of abuses with children or within hearing range, we should use wisdom. Disparaging comments don’t help. Scripture says that we are to guard our hearts with all diligence. Even more so, the delicate heart of a child. We guard our hearts by deciding what to allow into our minds. When we have no choice about what we hear, we can still refuse to entertain it. It is entirely up to us to meditate on a thought or choose a new thought to meditate on.

All the vitriol about Josh Dugger has been especially disturbing to me. Josh was 14 years old. I was the same age when I was sold into sex trafficking. And worse than that, as a younger child of about 10, I encouraged cousins and friends to disrobe while we played in the woods. We even got in positions we’d seen on TV. Does that make me a pedophile now?

I would never hurt a child, especially not by a core violation, like sexual abuse. Even during the years that I was sold for sex, I protected others to the extent possible. I know the pain and denigration of child sexual abuse. I lived with that for many years. It is something I did everything in my power to protect my children and other children from for the last 28 years or more. In my role as a minister, I taught many young people about respectful relationships and honor and chastity.

But again, I ask, am I a pedophile because of my childhood sin? It is absolutely heartbreaking that, by all accounts so far, Josh has not perpetrated any similar crimes for the last ten years and he is vilified. He was 14 years old. His executive powers hadn’t even been fully developed yet. He had a lot of growing up to do. It was wrong and he apparently learned that.

What about the lay counseling he got? People say it was not good enough. I only saw a certified counselor a few times when I was a runaway. I told them what they wanted to hear. It was usually far from the truth.

When I was ready to get healed and free from the pain of child sexual abuse, I sought counseling among my peers. We used the Scriptures to renew my mind. I changed thoughts from “I’m worthless” to “I am a treasure”. I changed my mind so much that I sometimes didn’t even get crude jokes. I simply didn’t connect the thoughts in that way.

I got free. I am really free from the deviant sexuality that I grew up with. If I can be free, why not others.

If we will never continue to prey on other children, once our brains are developed and we know what we were doing, are we not to be believed? Now, I only pray for other children. This past week, I have been praying for the girls that have been traumatized by all this attention and for the other children listening to their older circle of influence harping on the subject. I pray for their peace and safety.

Whether one is defending Josh or denigrating him, it is something that should be spoken of with wisdom or not spoken of at all for the sake of the children overhearing your words. The subject of abuse should be talked about in a calm and instructive way with only enough detail for children to grasp the concept in age-appropriate ways.

If he or anyone else is currently abusing children, they should be punished and their victims should be protected.

I have exposed myself here. I shared my most heinous sin. Am I allowed to be forgiven? Just because I didn’t come out publicly earlier, doesn’t mean that I concealed it. I didn’t realize how relevant it was. I thought that I could be forgiven and become the person that I was created to be.

There was incest on both sides of my family. Uncles and cousins, as well as, my biological father molested young girls. It can be healed, but the scars remain. All this talk about Josh’s past has really been painful for me. Some say that his victims should not have forgiven him. How in the world do we live with bitterness toward someone who is no longer even hurting us?

I forgave my abusers.

Can I be forgiven too?

What about all the millions of other people who have done things in their youth? What of promiscuity among young teens? What about teen moms that have submitted to abortion? What about anyone who has participated in any manner of things that we consider evil, when they were a child? How do they feel? How is all this vitriol affecting them?