Don’t Cry- It Makes It Worse

While that may be true during abuse or with a really bad headache, it is not true during your healing process from traumatic loss or abuse.

It is like a tape that played in my head for so many years. I knew that if I cried, he would get angry and it would be much worse for me. I stayed very still and as silent as possible. Over and over this strategy worked to get me out alive.

However, it doesn’t work well for normal situations or during the healing process. In regular daily interactions, when I would get frustrated or tired, I would suppress tears and anger would erupt. I would shut down and clean the house furiously. Sometimes with slamming or spewing. My dear husband would ask, “What is wrong with you?”

I honestly didn’t know. I would tell him that too. “I don’t know.” It didn’t make it any easier though. I would have to spend time really thinking about what it was that prompted the outburst. It was usually tied to some fear of loss or pain.

Plans might change and I would have to call off a shift at work. That could trigger a long list of things that might not happen because I wouldn’t have the money or it would mean working two nights in a row. I did 11-7 in those days. My mind would race to all the negative and that would set off a cascade of hormones and chemicals that would in turn cause more stress.

The simple act of asking myself why I was upset and then, if it was valid or worry made a huge difference. I would ponder the implications, but in a different way. I would think about how it might be better, what negative might be avoided because of the change and I might cry.

Crying is a release. It is a mechanism of cleansing. Crying with intentionality isn’t contrived. It is more like I would have to give myself permission to cry. I didn’t have that when I was in abusive situations, which was most of my young life.

So, I learned to manage my emotions in more positive ways in my late twenties. My first children didn’t have the best example, but I worked really hard at making sure they were aware of the proper ways to deal with disappointments and pain, even when I wasn’t. I apologized and we talked through some better strategies.

As I came through the healing process, and it is a lengthy process, I set aside times to talk and pray and cry through experiences. Sometimes alone, but often with prayer partners or professional help.

If you have the same tape playing in your head, try meditating on these Scriptures:

• Revelation 21:4 For God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor pain, for the former things have passed away.      It isn’t that God doesn’t want us to cry, it is that His healing will mean that there is no need for it. There is hope in that. There is reason to cry here and now.
• Exodus 2:23b …Then the Children of Israel groaned because of their bondage, and they cried out; and their cry came before God because of their bondage. Bondage comes out of the sinful nature of the world. Our Creator loves us and wants to bring us out of all bondage. Be assured, He hears you and cares.
• Psalm 119:147 I rise before the dawning of the morning, And cry for help; I hope in your Word. There is hope in the Word, because of His character. Reading and studying about His great love for me and you will bring comfort. 

Spend the time you need on your healing. Take times of refreshing. More strategies for focus and forward momentum, next week.

How do you evaluate your situation and allow yourself to cry?