Be Present

So many of us live outside of the moment, instead of in the moment. Child sexual abuse survivors are especially prone to this. Our God given protective devices that enable us to mentally check-out during abuse can carry over into every part of life. While it may be good to dissociate for the moment of trauma, it is not a good lifestyle.

It is easier than ever to check-out too. You don’t have to experience trauma to learn how to make it a habit. With all the hand held, portable media we have, it is super easy to be somewhere else mentally and still in the same room physically.

If we are not careful, we will miss our purpose. There is a reason you were created, a problem only you can solve, a solution only you can provide, a person who needs you, a product or service that you were born to create, a culture that longs for your influence. You are important.

So, how do we do it? How do we get in the habit of being present?

I think it will depend on what your particular status is right at the moment and that will change from time to time. If we are working from a state of abuse and in need of healing, being present during brief times may be all we can do. The key is to be very purposeful about it.

If you are caught up in technology and love to network or build your business online, you can use the same strategies with your family or other relationships that you value. Again, be purposeful. Take the time to really think about what is important.

• Take a few minutes at the beginning of your day to prioritize how you’ll spend your time. It may be that for you, the night before works best.
• Make a list of things that need to be done. This will help you focus on the priorities you thought about specifically. Don’t worry about getting to everything. Lists can be overwhelming, but we can use them to set priorities.
• Try to gauge the time it will take for large tasks and make it part of a plan for the week or month, instead of the day. Fall cleaning could be broken down to manageable chunks, so it doesn’t make your head spin.
• Factor others’ in your plan. Whenever possible, make plans to spend time with the people that are important to you. It does’t have to be strict or mechanical. If your children are home at 2:30-4pm, just try to be available then.
• Close social media apps. We love social media, but if we are going to be present, we must be purposeful and do what we can to avoid distractions.
• Leave your phone in another room. Being present with the people around you is hard, when we are pulled to our phones or other devices. Literally walking away from distraction is super important to helping maintain focus on the person we are with.
• Practice. Some of us need to practice with a safe person. If you have suffered abuse, it can be hard to connect and clearly articulate your feelings or concerns. Even your joys may be difficult to put into words clearly. This could mean professional or lay counseling.
• Schedule time with people. Our schedules can get away from us. Work and events, hobbies and activities of daily living can take all of our time, if we are not careful.
• Take time alone too. Being alone for a walk or a rest without distraction can help us think. I use my alone time to pray too.
• Read. Reading is a focused activity. It will help train our brains to be connected with one thing. Of course, that is, if we are not trying to do it in the midst of chaos.

I hope these strategies will be helpful. They really made a difference for me. Abuse leave our brains scarred. We can build new connections in the very fibers of our brains, so that we can live better.

I want you to be whole, healed and free to love fully.

What other ways do we need to be present? Tell us what you recommend.