Flying Grounds Me

Something about flying makes me feel grounded, especially during take-off and landing, when the houses and vehicles are clearly visible. When we are above the clouds I feel small, but not in the same way as when I am at the seashore looking at the ocean. This is different.

Alone at the ocean, the whole world is bigger. In the air, I experience a sense of immense interconnectedness, at the same time I am as a grain of sand in a dessert expanse; that all the other grains are similarly in their own little world, milling about and touching the lives of others in limited capacity.

It seems I am moving among the other grains of sand, as if blown by the wind. I sense belonging and yet, a distance from everyone else. I am involved, but my experience is transient, insignificant and yet, so important to the whole that the whole wouldn’t exist as a whole without each and every one of us.

In our own small way, being present, my sense of self, my sense of purpose may not be clear, but I know for my part, I am all I can be. Presently, perfectly content.

As a term I’ve heard used in counseling ‘grounded’ sort of means to be present, stable and capable of healthy thinking.

Conversely, it is common to hear the word ‘trigger’. A situation, object, event, or even a person or phrase that makes one uneasy, distracted or even panicked.

It is so important to think about what we are thinking about. Especially, if we have had some trauma in our lives. Yesterday, as I was flying, I thought about the events of the preceding 96 hours. They’d been pretty intense.

I was attending the Juvenile Sex Trafficking Conference in DC. When I arrived, I felt very alone. I traveled by myself. I was presenting the next day and I didn’t know a soul. The subject matter is intense and emotional for anyone. I met some other survivors, but it wasn’t until Thursday evening that I got to connect with a few. The compassion and connection was dramatic. Up and down emotions were the order of the days.

Then, Friday night, I was totally surprised to hear that the position I’d held for some time was no longer my responsibility, the same position I had identified my self with to many people at the conference. An unpaid position that had been a source of productive diversion from my own pain and provided value to others was now closed to me.

I was a complete disaster when I got on the plane. I turned my attention outward toward the window and inward to soothe my heart at the same time. That’s when I wrote the opening paragraphs on the back of my boarding pass. It took the next 48 hours to process the news.

Here are some of the ways I did that.

• I did not ask why. Others asked me why and I supposed a few reasons, but I did not dwell on it. In my pain, I recognized that it was and acknowledged the pain without imposing any guilt or condemnation on my self or others. “The reason will show itself” I said. This helped me think proactively.
• I let myself grieve. Even though I had to get in and out of cabs, on and off the plane, walk through the airport and all of that, I cried. I would gather myself enough to walk and be able to see, but it was important for me not to deny the pain I was feeling. It was a huge loss. The loss was not so much in that I wouldn’t hold the position, it was that I was blindsided. This validated the pain.
• I talked to a few trusted people. I went through the events from my perspective, keeping in mind that the way I saw it might not be accurate. They helped me sort out my feelings by listening. I did not talk to a bunch of people. I talked with  a couple of family and a couple of friends. This gave me clarity.
• I focused on what it made possible. My virtual mentor, Michael Hyatt, admonishes this. “I can do anything” I said. My work had been many hours every week. So, this would free up those hours. There are many things that I can do to add value to this world. This gave me hope.
• I informed the most impacted. I was deliberate about recognizing what impact it would have on others that I’d made commitments to. I had made promises to support efforts that were aligned with the mission of the organization. There are people counting on that. They were the first to know that I would not be able to guarantee continued support. This gave me peace.
• I acquiesced. This was the first thing I did. I did not lay down like a door mat. I made sure they knew that this was not what I wanted, but I quickly recognized the greater cause was more important than my desires. I responded with support for my replacement because lives are at stake.This released me.
• I prayed. I asked God for the wisdom and strength to answer correctly. Even when I don’t feel like God is for me, I don’t trust my feelings more than the Word of God. Scriptures tell us that, God is for us, who can be against us? This helped me rest.

I sincerely hope you do not have to go through such a situation, but if you do, I hope you can find ways to stay grounded.

Have you any other suggestions from going through similar things?