The Work of Healing

If you have ever been in a serious accident or know someone who has, you know the work of healing. Broken bones are set and torn muscles are repaired. There may be some ligaments to repair and skin grafts needed. Anyone who has had any major surgery can relate. Perhaps, a tumor was removed. A cesarian section requires the work of healing too.

There is the work of staying still and not wrecking the sutures or damaging fragile tissue. Then, there is the work of rehab. The painful exercises and work to regain strength or learning a new way of doing things, because prior function is lost can be very hard work. Navigating the services to help with restoration is hard work. Staying motivated to take the next step takes great effort.

Psychological, emotional and mental wounds require work to heal also. We would never ask a trauma victim from a car accident, who’s lying in a hospital bed in traction to get up and get over it. No one in their right mind would expect them to get up and make dinner for the family. Why do we ask victims of rape, child sexual abuse or trafficking to get over it and move on, without anticipating the work of healing.

I have had many conversations with victims and survivors. The distinction for me is the level of healing they have been able to experience. They are still a victim, if they have not had the time, support, resources, strategies, medical or professional help to be able to put in the effort to heal. They may have one or more piece, but without the comprehensive work of that, they remain victims.

Survivors don’t have it all together. They are not immune to being victimized again, but there is work that has been done. They learned new coping strategies. They acknowledged what happened. They recognized the people involved who had what responsibilities if any. They did the work in leaving addiction, with support. They did the work of learning to do new things. They were enabled to.

Depending on the level of trauma, just like the car accident victim, the victim of abuse needs people taking care of them. They need time to process what has happened. They may need to learn how to process. They may never have been able to do that. If they are still young, their brains are literally not developed enough to just get over it.

Even if they are older, studies find that abuse in childhood stunts the development of the frontal lobe functioning; the executive reasoning powers take more time and intention to make all the right connections. Being cognizant of this as we deal with people will give us and them the freedom to be genuine.

Child sexual abuse and rape are terribly underreported. We have interactions with people everyday who have never disclosed their trauma. We must always be kind and tenderhearted toward one another.

It’s not just abuse either. It could have been a car accident that caused the trauma. It could have been a flood or a fire. It could have been a sudden loss of a family member. Trauma comes in all kinds of ways.

The work of healing trauma can take years. Just as in a stroke or a car accident there could be a loss of function in certain things and that’s ok. No one is perfect. No one has it all together. We do the best we can with what we have.

Let us all be at peace with ourselves as we do the work of healing, but never forget that others have their own work to do. We cannot rush them or demand they suddenly become what we think they should. Each of us has our own road.