Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
In the work of healing, there are often setbacks. As I write and compare living with Lyme Disease to living with the traumatic experiences of child sexual abuse and child sex trafficking, I’m struck at the incredible similarities.
Lyme is nebulous. There is currently no cure, no standard treatment, and everyone has their own unique set of problems in dealing with it.
Lyme goes undetected. There is no good test for Lyme and it is known as one of the great imitators. The causative germ is the same kind of germ that causes Syphilis. It not only evolves in a body, but as it changes, it hides and mimics other diseases. The standard tests are often inaccurate.
Lyme is complex. Today, it’s causing migraine headaches. Tomorrow, it could be swollen joints or stiffness. It can cause severe low blood pressure and lead to falls. Digestive issues and difficult or painful elimination. Chest pain, palpitations, shortness of breath or air hunger, anxiety, insomnia, brain fog and cognitive issues, hearing and vision issues, pretty much you name it, and it could be a manifestation of Lyme or one of the many co-infections.
Lyme seldom attacks alone. The co-infections are so many that every time I read a list it grows. There are tick-borne micro-organisms that reside with Lyme in a devastating symbiotic relationship. Babesia and Bartonella are commonly found in Lyme patients, among other things.
Lyme creates biofilms. Biofilms are like a pile of tadpole eggs: growing together in a pile of goo, the water doesn’t penetrate. The debris in a pond will float over it and not penetrate without great force. Inside a Lyme biofilm, the germs grow and protect each other, mutating and evolving while evading the antibiotics that float over the surface. That way they can hide for years or adapt their disease to nullify the effect of an anti-biologic.
Child Sexual Assault (CSA) can be described in similar terms.
CSA is nebulous. There is currently no cure, no standard treatment, and everyone has their own unique set of problems in dealing with it.
CSA goes undetected. It isn’t always clear. It is a core violation, but how and why a child processes an incident, experience, or pattern is seldom standard. There may or may not be obvious indicators that abuse has gone on. There are all kinds of similar issues that could be the cause of a child’s expression. Secrets are always part of the abuse.
CSA is complex. There are multiple factors contributing to the affect of abuse. Whether or not it happens over a long period of time, the child may dwell on it and therefore, it becomes long term in his or her mind. Shame, guilt, anxiety, pain: both actual and referred can be a problem. Fear, alternative coping mechanisms, unhealthy self awareness, self-hatred, acting out and self defeating patterns may emerge. Somatic symptoms, such as head aches, stomach aches, lethargy, panic attacks with increased heart rate and shortness of breath may occur in some cases. There may be repression, obstinate defiance, abandonment issues, and speech or processing problems.
CSA sometimes attacks alone. This is probably the variant that is the most different. Some children do have multiple problems with absent parents, disinterested or distracted family or an all out breakdown in the family structure. They have bad coping skills and poor self-image. However; a great home life, with attentive family may still miss the trusted friend’s ability to groom their child for sexual abuse. Perpetrators take their time. They develop relationships and use those to get to their prey.
CSA creates virtual biofilms. Because of the nature of the abuse, the evidence may be obscured by secretive tactics, lies; cover-stories with legitimate components, gas-lighting, and brainwashing. Questions may go unanswered for various reasons. Exams may not reveal trauma at the time, because perpetrators may be careful not to inflict obvious physical damage, so that they can maintain the victim for future use.
When living with Lyme, everyone has their own unique experience. Each person must find what works for them and that takes time. It feels like two steps forward and one step back, because a solution for headaches might cost too much money and cause stress in that area. Or there may be a treatment for one thing that causes other problems. Antibiotics will bring down the bacteria count, but may cause digestive problems.
When living with the pain of child sexual abuse, everyone has their own experience too. It often feels like two steps forward and one step back. Dealing with internal dialog may be going well and I may be able to relate to people without flashbacks or panic, but it may become exhausting after a while and I need more rest than someone else. Or I may be doing a great job at work, but I had invested too much of my identity there.
Here’s the bottom line. Get help from professionals that specialize in what you’re going through. Whether you are taking two steps forward and one step back or one step forward and two steps back, you are trying. Don’t stop.