Lyme Life Monday -After Christmas

I know very few people who have truly relaxing Christmas traditions. Most are a flurry of activity. Parties, pastries, and plenty of ‘off diet’ foods.

We splurge at Christmas time. The holidays are very often self indulgent. Sure there are gifts and the giving is fun, but the enjoyment we get seems just as important. With Lyme, it seems like any little self indulgence must be compensated for in multiple ways. If I eat any sweets then, I have to drink extra water and possibly take anti fungal meds. If I do too much physically, I’ll need extra rest.

I used to feel this way with my Christianity. If I did anything wrong or if I were involved in anything wrong, like when I was molested, I felt that I had to compensate. I would pray, read my Bible, and usually not miss the 700 Club or whatever Christian tv I could find. Somehow I felt it would make up for the wrong things in my life.

I’m not sure my efforts work any better with trying to mange Lyme than they did in my relationship with Christ. Lyme is a terrible enemy. It is secretive, unpredictable and cruel. Conversely, Christ is a benevolent king. He has given us His Word, by which we know His promises and can operate within His principles. He is also forgiving, kind and protective.

No matter what I do, God loves me and wants the best for me. The pain that I suffer with is not His doing. He gave each person on earth free will. People have corrupted the world by following evil and hurting others. The whole earth convulses with evil, accordingly, just like a flare of Lyme in my body. Our world is a terrible mess.

There are times when I’m enjoying the awesome people in my life and everything seems relatively peaceful that I recall how many people are in dyer straights. Their lives are full of pain and torment from abuses, narcissistic, manipulative people, and momentary relief from drugs and alcohol only perpetuate the damage. I pray they are able to enjoy the moments that I have now. I’ve been there. I wish I could reach out my hand and bring them here with me.

This Christmas was the best, because I was able to recognize that I cannot control the things around me, but I can control how I think about them. The time was the treasure too. When you spend so much time feeling like you might die any minute, you treasure every moment or dread it. I choose to treasure it.

Last year, I wrote that it was the Worst Christmas. So many things contributed to that, but mostly that I did not have a diagnosis for the writhing pain, chronic fatigue, horrific, vomiting headaches, digestive trouble, and brain fog that had plagued me for years. The diagnosis does give me something to work with.

Knowing the whole world is a mess might be a rough way to start the week, but at least we can look around and remember that it’s not our fault, we cannot control it, and we are only responsible for our own behavior. Knowing that there is a God who loves us helps too. His plan is to make a place for us to spend eternity with Him, when this life is passed.

I hope to get better, but if I don’t, when I am gone from this earth, I will rest in His heaven. Life is so much more than what’s happening right now. It is a continuum that extends beyond what we know in our bodies here on earth.

What kinds of thoughts keep your perspective bigger than the moments you’re in?