Say the Right Thing

Have you ever said exactly the wrong thing to someone? Or have you made a comment that alienated a close friend or family member? Maybe, you figured it out right away. Perhaps, you didn’t figure it out for a long time. Possibly, you had to be told because you didn’t even realize it. It isn’t always easy to say the right thing.

Words Count

If you don’t think you have, you’re probably mistaken. Everyone says stupid things. It’s a rare person that holds his or her tongue in every circumstance.

When I started my healing journey, I had no idea how wrong my words were. I’d gotten free from 18years of abuse. The last four of which, I was on the streets sold into sex trafficking. In that time, I’d been brutalized repeatedly, terrorized by marauding self-appointed street cleaners who attacked vagrants, slept in the elements, went days without any food to eat, and all sorts of deprivation.

I said the wrong things all the time. If I said the right thing, I often said it in the wrong way. If I was trying to express  my discomfort with a decision my grandmother made, I might come across as demanding or worse demeaning. She said, “It’s not always what you say but how you say it.” More often than not, though, I have actually said the wrong things.

The years of horrific abuses and deprivation instilled a sense of total unworthiness. The many core violations had taken their toll on my inner self. Shame, anger, hatred and fear were often the root of the problems for me. As I spoke about circumstances, I very slowly began to recognize the damning quality of my words.

I started working on paying attention to my thoughts before allowing myself to speak in my 20s. Reading the Scriptures helped me to recognize the association to the words I spoke and their roots. So, if I had a need, I might say something that exemplified or diminished my ability to meet that need.

Counting Words

My car would break down and I would complain that “nothing works for me”or “I can’t afford to get that fixed” or “just my luck” etc. Can you see how defeatist that sounds?

I learned to say things that more appropriately described the situation. I might comment, “I need to figure out how I’m going to get this taken care of” or “Ok, now what?” Do you hear the difference?

This isn’t some name-it-claim-it thing. It’s really just common sense. Our words make a difference to us and those around us, but they also reflect our inner selves or spirit. I’ve explained before that we are spirits, we have a soul, which is our mind, will, and emotions, and we live in a body. Our spirits are damaged by child sexual abuse, trafficking, and battering. That’s why I call it a core violation.

Right Words

James 3 tells us that we all stumble in many ways, but if a person doesn’t stumble in words, they are perfect. He explains that just like we put a bit in the mouth of a horse, so we can direct their whole body, and a ship is directed by a small rudder, so too, our tongues direct us.

Then, it says something revolutionary. “See what a great forest a little fire kindles.” Then, it says that the tongue is a fire that defiles the whole body and sets the course of nature on fire!

No man can tame the tongue, but the good news is, that just like the bit controls the horse, by way of a person holding the bridle, we can set a guard over our mouths and give God the reigns. We do that by getting to know the right words. So, we can say the right things. Speaking the very words of Scripture that deal with our situation at the time.

In verse 14, it says we should not boast against the truth. The truth is we are created by God for good works. God sent Jesus, His only Son, to bridge the gap between us and God. You are a treasure. Assuredly, you deserve goodness and mercy by virtue of your being. You don’t even need to work for it.

When we speak out of a spirit that knows that we are loved, we say the right things.

The passage continues into chapter 4 and 5. It has a lot to say about what we should and should not say. Do you pay attention to your words? I slipped in recent years, but I am working to get back on track. I hope you are too.