Lyme Life ~ Looking Good!

How often do we hear, “You’re looking good!” when we feel like death warmed over? I just spent five days on the road, to speak at a conference.

Most people don’t know that I’ve been ill, but of those who do, I hear, “How are you? You look good!” I am faking ‘good’. Since January, I have been on sabbatical. January was very difficult. I spoke 26 times in 2015 and I was spent.

I thought if I declined speaking engagements, I would recover and come back with lots of energy. Not so much. I dreaded the travel, but gave myself room on both ends of the conference to rest. Travel seems to take so much out of me.

Dissociation works for me. I had a room at the conference venue too and that helped. Taking a rest between segments meant that I missed out on a couple of other speakers, but I was able to bring dignity and vitality during my talks.

There was lots of positive energy and encouraging friends there, as well. Talking about trauma and life and death situations is very taxing for healthy people. For Lymies, like me, it is doubly so.

We are suppressing pain and often drawing deep from energy reserves just to visit with people. Smiling, when we feel like crying is very common. Pretending to enjoy dinner, when we want to eat fun food, but revert to broccoli or cauliflower in order to prevent a major crash the next day.

Some days I am grateful to be alive, others I just want to go to bed and never get up again. In the conference atmosphere, among such heroes and friends, I am so very grateful for life. I am rejuvenated and ready to battle.

Today, Traveling home, I am struggling with a headache, but still the residual exuberance is keeping me going. I’m looking forward to a little rest and then getting ready to jump back into action, even if that means being a keyboard activist for a little while.

There is much to be done, my Lymie friends. I hope you will find that thing that inspires you and gives you energy. So, you don’t just look good, but you are full and feel good.