Just Get Through It
Have you every really dreaded some event or activity? Maybe you thought, “If I just get through it, I’ll be ok.” Perhaps, it was giving a speech or gym class in school. Maybe, it was the job interview process or giving birth. It could have been something much more scary for you.
Get Through It
For abuse survivors, loads of things cause dread. And for some, everything causes dread. Child sexual abuse has been shown to damage children in various ways. So, too, does sex trafficking. The physical ramifications vary tremendously, from no obvious physical injury to severe, irreparable deformity that causes problems for the rest of their lives. Our mental and emotional damage is seldom the focus of abusers. Their feigned concern is used to avoid getting caught and continue to manipulate their victims.
Our prefrontal cortex is most actively developing between the ages of 6-9, a common age of abuse victimization. Physical development isn’t achieved until children are 12+ years old. This is the part of the brain that generates cognition and integrates body memory and learning. In other words, at a time when their mind is developing their bodies are being violated. Our bodies are only part of who we are.
Physical bodies are housing for our spirit. Our soul is the part of us that interacts with the world around us through our bodies. The reality is that they are inseparable. However, abuse victims are adept at disconnecting or phasing out. That doesn’t mean that they are not affected. We use dissociation to cope with the trauma of core violation.
Any Way You Can
We learn to ‘just get through it’. I used to say that I could do anything for a few hours. If I hated the particular job I was assigned, I would just get through it. I can do anything for a time. In my mind, I thought I was being resilient. In truth, I was disconnecting. I wasn’t present.
God’s word says that He will bring us through the fire and the flood. Think of that for a moment.
The heat and pain of fire is one experience that most people have had at one time or another. It may have been a burn from a campfire or a curling iron, but the burn differs little for first degree burns. When one experiences a second-degree burn and the under layers of the skin is involved, the pain is deeper and broader. Skin bubbles up and it takes much longer to heal. Some people have the misfortune of acquiring a third-degree burn, wherein the muscles and even bones are hurt. The healing process can be significant and often leaves permanent damage.
Child Abuse Analogy
There are degrees of the physical damage, but the Scripture says that He will bring us through the fire AND the flood.
In a flood, you’re over your head in water. Water is not our natural habitat. Consider the idea of a tsunami. The sweeping wall of water leaves no room for retreat, no security, nothing to hold our balance, no amount of talking will solve the issues of being completely helpless, as we are pulled out of our natural state into a churning massive sea. The debris that floats in the water of a flood has the potential to do more damage than panic and drowning. Cuts and contusions are a probability. Loss of life and limb is another threat. The danger is real and it is significant.
The Core Violation
Can you see the similarities to child sexual abuse (CSA)? It is not natural for children to be subjected to sex. They are out of their element, swept up, helpless to stop it and afraid. The one caveat is that CSA also causes shame. Primarily, because our bodies respond, regardless of emotions. Just like to collateral damage from a flood, shame is a big issue for CSA survivors.
We’d rather avoid difficult situations than fail and experience that shame and dread. This is by design. You and I have an enemy. He wants to steal us from God’s benevolence. The devil can spot patterns and project how you might increase, how you’d multiply the blessings of God on the earth. So, he brings abuse into the minds of vulnerable people to ruin the children of God.
Hope and Healing
There is a time to just get through it, but then, there is a time to heal and become stronger. We may never fully recover, but God can bring us through and we can look for opportunities to be valiant warriors. It may be a few minutes at a time. You will have to feel it to heal it. We might have to talk ourselves through some stuff, but it is worth it. Remembering that God is with us helps to give us hope.
My hope for you is that as you get through it, you grow stronger and more powerful every day.