Lyme Life ~ You Can Never Go Back
If you had children in the 80’s, you probably remember the line from All Dogs go to Heaven, “You can never go back.”
Life Changes
With all the losses and disappointments that come when you lose to Lyme Disease, is it any wonder that the one thing that resonates the strongest it that you can never go back?
We hear, “You can never go back to the lifestyle you had as a high-functioning business owner, entrepreneur, dynamic personality, or athlete. “You can never go back to some relationships because either trust has been decimated or the relationship was never what you thought in the first place. “We may never go back to the position that fulfilled your dreams. “You might never go back to fun in the sun, running or dancing on the beach. “I feel like I can never go back to playing on the floor with children. “You can never go back to partying with your friends. “You can never go back to hiking and camping. “Nope, you can never go back to eating what you want, drinking what you want, or indulging in whatever you want.”
Lyme Disease has stolen all this and more from so many people. It has wrecked the lives and livelihood of its victims by attacking their bodies. Our bodies are the way we interact with this world, if it doesn’t work we cannot fulfill our destiny. Lyme causes no end to distresses. From exaggerated sensory input, like extreme sensitivity to light, noise, and smells, to overactive nerves in our skin. Swollen joints, sore muscles, intestinal pain, urinary pain, fatigue, twitching, and tremors, studdering, stammering and word finding problems, cognitive deficits, dizziness, and falls, sudden onset migraine headaches with vomiting.
Basically, Lymies can feel like they are going to die at any minute. Often, they feel like death would be welcome over the devastation of Lyme. Of course, it wouldn’t be.
Often Unseen Losses
The worst of all is that many people have no diagnosis for the strange and wide range of symptoms. They are often dismissed by doctors, friends, and family. This makes the psychological impact so much worse. The loss of autonomy coupled with the loss of relationships is overwhelming.
If you remember the movie, the main character does go back. Life may never be the same again, but life can go on. There are changes, many changes, but a degree of restoration is possible. For the character in the movie, he saw the world differently. His outlook had drastically changed.
That’s how I feel. I had been suffering so many undiagnosed symptoms for so long, that I refused to go to doctors. When I had no choice, because my family would take me, I didn’t tell them all that was going on. I would only tell them what I felt they needed to address at the time and even then, a full workup usually revealed nothing. “Go home” was the standard response to it all.
So, I went home and dealt with the symptoms as best I could. For about 20 months, I have had the worst bout of Lyme Disease that I’d ever previously experienced. I’d been able to push through a day or a week for 30 years, but this was different. This left me believing that I can never go back.
It cost tens of thousands of dollars in out-of-pocket expenses for doctors and meds. I had to leave my job. I couldn’t manage our rental property anymore, one lender took a deed-in-leu of foreclosure and another is holding foreclosure over our heads. We have no savings and I have no income.
Future Gains
I may never be able to go back, but I will go forward.
I’m not out of the woods, as they say. I have begun to get stronger. My brain is functioning better. I have a long list of restrictions and prescriptions. Many of the most severe symptoms have been brought to a manageable level, meaning I can still do things as long as I am mindful about it all.
If you or a family member of friend has Lyme, I hope you can gain a little understanding and clarity into what they are going through. I hope you know many Lymies get through to another side. It might not be back to where they were, but they can go forward to a new way of life. I’m praying for you, Friends.
You can be such a help. If you have Lyme, please don’t give up. Join support groups and accept the losses, but look for the gains as well. New friends and new adventures await. Now that you have faced death, you have an outlook on life that can never be matched. Be strong and live well.