How to Deal With Toxic People

Are people really toxic? What does that mean?

Toxic People

I have seen numerous self-help posts about dealing with toxic people and actually, I find it a bit misleading. The people aren’t toxic in the sense that they pollute the environment with tangible or physical junk. It’s their behavior that is toxic. They break down the positive flow of energy and ideas, they diminish others with their words, attitudes, and maneuvering. It’s a subtle kind of abuse.

In a very real but also sort of nebulous way, they plant thoughts in the minds of co-workers, friends, and family that undermine others in an attempt to bolster their own image. It could have come out of their own trauma from abuse.

The worst part is that we can all be toxic. It’s not that I believe there are no truly toxic people, there may be, but I also know that there have been times when I have indulged in this kind of toxic behavior. Anyone might fall prey to it. It’s really common to get aggravated by someone and lash out at them.

It can be difficult to step back, check our ego, and really look at our own behaviour as the reason we’re having difficulty. Sometimes, though, that is exactly what we must do.

Toxic Behaviors

We often find it easier to analyze other people’s actions and ignore our own. I’d noticed that there were some things that I’d said out loud about another person that bothered me and before I knew it, it was way more of a problem. Coincidence… maybe, but if I want to deal with the toxic behaviour of others, I better be able to deal with my own.

The Scriptures tell us that love covers a multitude of sins. Sin is a general term for anything that goes against the command to love one another. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Did you notice that list?

How easy is it to stay in that list all the time? Even for people who are trying to do it, there are circumstances and situations, just about every hour that could disrupt that standard.

And, what about dealing with a person who is constantly diminishing others?

Toxic Authority

Many times they are in positions of authority. Sometimes it is their depreciating or sarcastic treatment of others got them there. In some cases, they might have destroyed the reputation, self-esteem or performance of others with their barrage of insinuations and accusations. That makes life difficult, especially if you have a family depending on you for income and you cannot leave the job.

• Minimize contact. Try to get assignments that decrease the time you are with that person. Ask for alternate work times.
• Pray for wisdom. The Scriptures say that if we ask God for wisdom, He will give it liberally. In our everyday, He can guide us.
• Pray for them. Ask God to open their eyes to the problems they cause or to close their mouth, so the problems are less. Remember that we all have free will. If they don’t want to change, they won’t, but if they do and you win someone into the kingdom, you will be the winner too.
• Keep a set of reassurances for yourself. A simple list of affirmations to bolster your inner-self will help you stay in the love zone. Read them out loud to yourself to counter what you’re hearing from them.
• Repeat only what you must. When someone says bad things about others, there is usually no good reason to say those things again. If I repeat them, I become part of the problem. (ask me how I know)
• Note other people’s responses and check your own actions. Toxic behaviour can be contagious. So, we all need to stay on our guard.
• If all else fails, go no contact. Get a new job, seek a new position, avoid that person altogether. This is the hardest, even though it might seem the easiest. The reason is that there are toxic behaviours everywhere. As I said, even people who want to be nice can fall into a bad pattern.

Learning to deal with toxic people is essential to life on planet earth.

This post doesn’t deal with toxic family members. That’s a whole other topic. It is much more complex.

What suggestions do you have to offer for dealing with toxic people? Please add your list in the comments.