Destiny Derailed?

No one can derail your destiny, but you. Those of us who have survived the core violation of child sexual abuse or other adverse childhood experiences, sometimes feel as if our destiny derailed.

Destiny Derailed?

That is a tough pill to swallow. What exactly does that mean?

Personal growth is super important to me. I read and listen to great speakers often. I recall times when my husband and I would look back over the year and then five years and compare our status in areas of family, finance, and personal satisfaction. We set out to improve ourselves and each other, as well as contribute to our community.

Everybody’s got stuff. We all have had difficulty and some have had more trauma than others. My husband had a good relationship with his parents. His dad died rather suddenly when he was thirteen. That was tough. It carried many losses. Thankfully, not his home. It was traumatic, just the same. He was bullied in school and his neighborhood. Life has its tough stuff for each of us.

I’d had a tumultuous early life. Conceived by rape, suffered child sexual abuse, trafficked, attempted suicide, arrested, in and out of foster care, on the streets, left school in the sixth grade, pregnant as a result of sex trafficking, I was a mess.

Destiny

Each person has a destiny, a unique purpose. You were designed with gifts and talent and abilities that, when developed will serve to fulfill your destiny. When you live as designed, your heart and mind are at peace, your life is fruitful and good. When we realize the potential of joy available to us, we are able to share that joy and it will uplift others. So, how do we do that?

If no one can derail your destiny, what about that person who abused you? What about the devil, as some people try to blame? Or a thief who stole from you? What about that teacher who berated you? The parent or other family members who beat it into you that you would amount to nothing?

Whether mentally or physically attacked, we can survive and even thrive. We can use the things that have happened to us as stepping stones toward our ultimate destiny. It takes work. Use these thought tools to get started.

People become…

We are not stagnant. Life is a continuum. We start out as a single cell, not simple by any means. That one cell is as complex as the universe, but it doesn’t stay that way. It doubles, then again, and again until we are made up of trillions of cells. The process never ends, though. As long as we are alive, we shed cells and grow new ones. We develop and change. We expand and decline. You are not entirely the same as you were yesterday.

We will…

You and I have been given a free will to choose. Even as little children we choose to meet our needs. We might choose wisely or foolishly, for good or for bad, but we choose. Even as a teen manipulated into sex slavery, I chose. No one came after me to rescue me. I chose to reach out. We say it all the time. “I will go to the store.” “We will be right back.” “I will do this or that.” The problems come when we will do things that are self-defeating.

Trajectory matters…

The small changes that you decide to make, consciously or nonconsciously, set a course. If you draw a line, then from the same starting point draw another at a slightly different angle, within a few inches, you begin to see the space between and it grows larger as long as you draw it. This works in every area of life.

Everyone Needs…

From Maslow to Tony Robbins, human needs have been explored as the basis for decision making. We need love and belonging, safety and security. Every human being needs food and shelter. We need love and belonging. But, we also need significance, self-actualization, and fulfillment. We need to live out our destiny. One thing we never need is our destiny derailed.

Know Why…

Know why you do what you do. Figure out what needs you are trying to fulfill. We all need love and belonging, for example. It was easy to use me for sex at thirteen because I was willing to be used. I was willing to settle for connection, and belonging to the man selling me came close to that need for love. What are the things that you are doing that have negative or positive consequences? What needs are you trying to fulfill?

Choose Life…

Choose a life of destiny. Take some time this weekend to think about your life. No one has arrived at the perfect place for long. Think about the various aspects of your life, personal satisfaction, financial, social, professional, interrelational. What small change could you make to increase the peace, the pleasure, the stability, or the joy in one or more ways? It may be as simple as saying, “I will clean the garage,” instead of, “I have to clean the garage.” That one word change puts you back in charge.

No one’s destiny is derailed by outside forces.