Bloom Where You’re Planted

We live in an amazing world of diversity. Each life is different. Every one is important. As people, we can learn a great deal from creation. Just like the variety of beautiful flowers, we can bloom where we are planted.

Bloom Where Planted

We don’t choose when we are born. None of us get to pick our parents or other family members. We have no control over the where we grow up. There are many aspects of our lives that we have no control over until we are of age and even then, there are influences that restrict us.

It may be emotional, financial, experiential, logistical, or some other factor that seems to limit us.

Survivors of abuse, especially the core violation of child sexual abuse, sometimes might feel like a seed drifting into a foreign environment, but we can still grow and develop right where we are.

Plants come in many different shapes and sizes. They have a lot of different attributes; growth patterns, blooming patterns, colors, nutritional and environmental needs. Some have spikes. Many more are soft. Some are succulent. Many bloom. All provide beauty to the world.

I think people are that way too, diverse and able to provide beauty in the world. We all have our own unique attributes. We are created in the image and likeness of God. So, we have agency. We have the ability to think logically and creatively and strategically about life and ourselves and the future or the past.

No one should ever stay in an abusive situation. This post is for people who have past abuse and feel stuck. We have the ability to add value and beauty right where we are in life. We don’t need to be in the perfect environment, have the perfect job, and be free of troubles and problems. Let’s face it that will never last, even if we are able to have it once in a while.

So, how do we do that? How do we bloom where we are planted?

Perspective

We have an amazing ability to look at our lives and develop our own perspective. Usually, I avoid comparisons, but in circumstances and opportunity, we should step back once in a while and evaluate where we are and where we want to be. If you are in a  job that pays lousy or you have coworkers that get under your skin, you might be tempted to complain.

Perspective will help avoid that mentality by considering how we much better we have it than a homeless, unemployed person. We can also look at how someone else has an additional income stream and decide to do something similar. If they can do it, so can we.

Reflection

In much the same way, we can look at our choices and behaviours and decide what is or is not working for us. Is my behavior helping me or hurting me? Are my coping mechanisms valuable in dealing with rejection or does remaining silent actually hurt my cause? Do I replace fear with anger and lash out at the very person that I don’t want to lose?

Let’s suppose my husband is ill and hospitalized and I get aggravated with him. That is probably not helpful. The root of the issue for me is that I don’t want him to die. I am afraid. By showing that I am afraid, I am vulnerable. Depending on the way I was abused and how I dealt with fear in the past, I might not want to allow anyone to acknowledge my fear. Anger will not serve me well in this situation because it will not support my husband’s recovery. The beauty of vulnerability is that he will know I love him because I fear losing him.

Expression

We have the distinct ability to express our thoughts, emotions, and give meaning to circumstances by using language. Language may be written, spoken, signed, in art, or in actions. Most of us, at least those who are reading this, can use words. Words are containers for meaning. When we use words that are positive and uplifting we bring goodness to whoever hears us. When we use depreciating words, they are like thorns in the ears of the hearers.

To bring beauty to our lives and to those around us our words are the most important way we can express what we desire. If we want better relationships, we need to use words that display that. So, for the irritating commute, we might say that someone is an idiot, we might even be tempted to express our frustration with a sign. We don’t know what they are going through. A better expression would be to say we hope they have a better day. We might say that we hope they are safe and keep others safe. Express kindness in every circumstance.

Choose

The greatest gift from our creator is also our greatest weakness. We have free will to choose. Everyone has it. So, some people use it for good and some for bad. As a survivor of abuse, we know well that it can be used for evil. It was not our choice to be abused. It was not within our control and we did not deserve it.

We can choose to bloom where ever we are by being very deliberate about our own choices. You and I are the only ones who can choose our behavior. No one else can really know what we feel, how we think or why we do what we do. Choosing to bring beauty into our lives is totally up to us and we can do that wherever we are. Bloom where planted.