How Did You Heal?
Recently, a friend heard me speak and asked, “How did you heal?” A more appropriate question would be, “How are you healing?”
How are you healing?
Our lives start as one cell. One cell full of potential, full of a myriad of complex systems, full of life. That one cell multiplies. Oh, I know we say it divides, but that’s a misnomer. It definitely multiplies. It becomes two, then four, and eight, and so on. Each one has at its nucleus the entire DNA. Everything about us is there, our whole genealogy, our whole physiology, our whole gift is there.
We are on a continuum. From that one cell to 50 trillion. Our bodies are ever-changing, ever-growing, constantly on the move. You and I are not entirely the same as we were yesterday. Hopefully, we have changed for the better. Hopefully, we have grown in our knowledge, in our capacity, in grace.
That’s the answer to the question. How are you healing? We heal by seeking goodness.
Healing from rape, child sexual abuse, or sex trafficking is complex.
It’s a process
When I talk with people about the healing process, as it relates to emotional healing, they are often frustrated by their perceived lack of progress. “I should be over this by now. It just keeps cropping up,” one woman said. It isn’t that simple. If you were in a car crash and had broken bones and some road rash, you wouldn’t be expected to get up and go back to work the next day. Depending on your injuries, it might be weeks, months or more before you could resume your occupation. If enough damage had occurred, you might never return to the job or the level of functioning that you had perviously enjoyed.
So, we know that with physical injury. Few people understand that with mental injury, similar parameters apply. To clarify, broken bones must be set. They may take six weeks to heal in a cast, then cautious activity will continue to strengthen the bone and restore the muscle.
Core violation
For a core violation, the physical injury will likely heal in similar fashion, but the trust, bonding and emotional scars could take substantially longer. The reason is usually tied to the fact that it is an ongoing offence. A car accident happens and then it is over. CSA or Trafficking is often repeated over and over. The impact is deeper. The physical manifestations vary, but most will recognize guarding postures, headaches, nightmares, and other somatic symptoms. They need to be addressed, of course.
The emotional stuff can be a bit more covert. Anxiety, depression, withdrawal, sudden outbursts of anger, numbness, hopelessness, fatigue, inability to concentrate, and addictive tendencies are all problematic and require great effort to deal with. It isn’t a fix though. Unlike a broken bone, that will be stronger after a year, with only 12 weeks of attention. For mental strength to be greater,we must create new ways of thinking and continue in those new ways.
We are prone to fall back on old habits of thought. So, depending on one’s age and experience, it can be a lifetime of intentional effort. Anyone can heal and be stronger emotionally, by directing and redirecting thoughts to become patterns of positive, life affirming, energizing apparatus. But it will be ongoing, so the question of ‘how did you heal’ will need to change.
Hope for healing
Thoughts of defeat and distrust are unstable and cause us to falter. They are like trying to walk on pillows. We need solid stepping-stones to get ahead and live a healthy, fulfilled life. Believing in people will never satisfy us, but we can believe in the hope of a future. Anyone anywhere can hope. That is the ultimate key to changing our thoughts.
What do you hope for? Think about having that thing, that situation, that lifestyle, that relationship. Think about improving your inner thought life and your behavior will follow. Then, results will also follow.