5 Ways to Handle Holiday Madness
Some people hate the holidays, with good reason. It’s a stressful time in our culture. Gift buying, food preparing, bill paying, seasonal decorating, family gathering, and anxiety-producing times are upon us. Depending on where in the country one lives, we are inundated with adverse weather, as well but the worst part is the strife. How do you handle holiday madness?
Holiday Madness
It could be ordinary strife or for many people who have experienced abuse, the intensity of conflict is overwhelming. Toxic relationships abound in many homes. I write about some of the reasons in my book, Testimony, The Dark Side of Christianity. Our history as a culture and as individuals may hinder us or propel us in life. We choose.
Each of us is unique with gifts and talents, ideas and dreams. Our personalities are partly innate and partly influenced by our experience. Abuse can damage us. The core violation of child sexual abuse is especially harmful. Our sense of self is altered, our ability to choose trust is threatened and our ability to develop executive reasoning is more difficult. The way we handle holiday madness doesn’t just affect us, but those around us too.
We may become angry or withdrawn. We might act out against others or turn inward and self-harm with self-defeating behaviors, physiological symptoms from unexpressed tormenting thoughts or try to numb the pain with drugs and alcohol.
History of despair
Thirty-five years ago, I spent Thanksgiving alone in an apartment of a friend who was out of town. She had a couch, the gas stove and electricity were on, but there was no heat. I warmed a can of green beans in the can because I’d used the one pan to cook a small amount of scrambled hamburger. Although, I was cold and alone, there was active no strife.
Thinking back, I cannot imagine the torment my family was feeling. I was a runaway. They had no idea whether I was dead or alive. Usually, when they found out I was alive, they were angry. The abuse that I had suffered went unchallenged, unnoticed. They found fault in my behavior. Everyone was mad, all the time.
When I hear, “Holiday madness,” I think of strife and anger. Many people think of shopping and busy stores and large family gatherings where fun chaos exists. To handle holiday madness means excitement to them. There are many, like me, though. Many people struggle to get through this season for all the reasons listed above -the hectic pace and culmination of factors can be too much.
If you have trouble during this time of year, I encourage you to look ahead at your schedule and plan for self-care.
Rest
Put times of rest on your calendar and when things come up or people ask you to do things, look at your calendar first. If you have stuck to your rest schedule and you have other times, weigh the importance of the event against your true need to rest. If you need to rest, you can politely say, you have a prior commitment. You can make a commitment to yourself. Taking time to rest will help you enjoy the times you are with friends and family or out shopping or cooking and cleaning for guests or taking care of the people in your life.
Refresh
Commit to soothe your soul. I am a believer, so I read Scripture. Perhaps, you are not. You might prefer listening to music, taking a bath, going for a walk in the woods or doing a craft. Think about what makes you feel renewed and refreshed. Be purposeful about how you spend your time and don’t let the urgent take over the important. The dishes will wait. The dog will be ok without a bath for another week. Get a sitter.
Restore
Forgiveness is a very confusing topic for survivors of abuse. Sometimes we can restore relationships and sometimes we cannot. As I said, if we have acted out and alienated friends and family, we might want to reach out to them and restore relationships. If we might have contact with abusers, I would advise against letting your guard down. You do not need to restore those relationships. If they claim to be reformed and are still acting the same way, you can forgive them as an act of your will but you have no responsibility to willingly place yourself in harm’s way. Restore where you have damaged because of your pain but remember they may not be ready.
Resign
Resign yourself to the fact that you might not be able to keep up with friends and family during the holidays and try to arrange for times to enjoy each other after the holidays. Take a good look at your ability to manage stress. Don’t try to keep up with others in spending money or decorating, gift giving, entertaining or activities. There will always be someone who will out-do us. Comparing ourselves with other is very detrimental. Delegate tasks as much as possible. If you have a bunch of kids, do housework together but shrug when they don’t do things to your standards.
Remember
Remember that you are making memories now. You do not need to dwell on the past if it was difficult and full of strife. Remember that today is the first day of the rest of your life. Be consciously aware that you are leaving memories for everyone around you now and you are creating them for yourself. Remember, as you go through your day, that are creating new, hopefully healthy memories. We want to remember this time as a time of joy.