Lingering Issues from Adverse Childhood Experiences

Everybody has issues, right? I mean, what’s normal these days? Psychology is so pervasive in the United States. We think we can analyze everyone and everything and apply labels to our lingering mental issues.

Lingering  Issues

Labels are helpful. Once we identify problems, it is easier to solve them with therapy. On occasion, we have a tendency to lean on labels, though. Holding on to them and using them as a sort of disclaimer or an abdication. So that, if someone calls us out on something, we can pick it up and wave it like a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Many of us have had substantial adverse childhood experiences. Child sexual abuse (CSA), physical abuse, emotional battering and mental abuses, and neglect are all very significant. Child abuse causes our brains to underdevelop or develop poorly. There’s also evidence that grave illness or serious addictions in adulthood correlate to early adverse experiences.

We need not be the focus of the abuse either. Children who have witnessed domestic violence (DV) are also at risk. Since this is so documented, I wonder how much impact digital viewing has. Children are often exposed to extreme violence on tv or in movies at young ages or in the home. You can check out your ACE Score for yourself.

I unwittingly decided to tackle problems in adulthood that resulted from adverse childhood experiences like CSA and Juvenile Sex Trafficking by using my Bible. I had some important resilience factors that really helped me too. Weekly prayer gatherings with other young moms helped keep me accountable. Not everyone has a family to focus on. I wanted to give my children a different life. So, I was in a constant state of getting better and directed my hyper-vigilance toward progress as opposed to safety.

Incremental Change

That’s not to say that I became Mrs. June Cleaver. You know, Beaver’s mom? I came from so much hell, it took serious effort and time to be peaceful and let’s remember that I had children, with their own personalities and strengths. We all have issues.

So, how do we live at peace with each other and enjoy this journey we call life? Is there a way to avoid compelling addictions and destructive behavior patterns? What of the risks for diseases discovered by the studies of people with high ACE scores?

Transform Thinking

I firmly believe there is actual transforming power in the word of God. It may not always be translated exactly as it should, but there are principles that when laid out, line upon line precept upon precept, will build a foundation for us to stand on. We can hold our heads up, knowing full well that we are flawed, but that we have the grace to be ok with ourselves and other people.

Humans never stop changing. We start as a single cell and develop into the people we are by internal and external factors, but that is only part of the picture. We never have to be the same person from one day to the next. Every moment is an opportunity for us. Every breath we take is another chance to be perfectly content. Here are some keys for adults who are still challenged by lingering issues associated with childhood experiences.

Stop grasping at the wind.

Life from the beginning is ever and constantly in flux. The present moment is fleeting. We live in ages and stages with ebb and flow, growing and slowing, building and shrinking with intersections and crossroads, bridges, barriers, obstacles, shutes, openings, and closures. Planning is good, but too many of us live in the future or the past. We try to get to a different state instead of living where we are. Wishing things were different isn’t the same as taking steps to make them different. You and I cannot change others either. We can only change ourselves. All else is grasping at the wind.

Live in This Moment.

Take time for yourself to really get deep with what you want. Get away from everything and everyone on a regular basis. For a few minutes or an hour or a day, if you can. Just take a look at your life, your relationships, your health and emotional status. Take a deep breath. Think of one thing you’d like to improve about yourself. Work on that one thing and make peace with all the rest. Then, do it again in a month or three. Perhaps, you have a habit of using superlatives when you are upset. “You always do that” “I never have my needs met” If you are alive, it simply isn’t possible to be 100% consistent. So, it’s probably not helpful to speak like that. Instead, be mindful of the exact word you use. You can feed your fury or defuse it. In that moment, choose peace.

Renew your mind.

We, who have been damaged as kids, have legitimate brain function issues. Our executive reasoning skills may not have developed appropriately. We have emotional control loops may need to be rerouted. Our neuropathways and processing abilities are likely in need of improvement. Depending on the extent of the abuse, some people need meds and professional help. Everyone can renew their minds to improve coping skills. This is a huge task. Progress will vary depending on your ability, availability, attitude, and accountability. Memorizing Scriptures that address the particular issues you’re facing is like redirecting traffic. Our thoughts move, physically, along the nerve pathways. We can actually reroute the way we think.

This is NOT medical advice. I’m sharing my experience. I added links that substantiate my views.

If you are struggling with lingering issues, please get help. If you just have cumbersome baggage that gets in your way sometimes and you want to be lighter, let’s keep sharing our experiences and keep building one another up on this journey we call life.