Sexual Abuse Survivor Support

SASS! That is so common in my home. We love to be spunky and lively in our conversations. Our playful banter is often a healing release for the grave issues we work daily to address. Sexual Abuse, Human Trafficking, and Abortion are frequent topics in our home and the focus of my work as a public speaker.

Hard Story, Soft Voice

I did a radio show with Savethe1 members and the renowned, Dr, James Dobson. The broadcasts, part 1, part 2, and part 3 were re-aired this January. I speak a couple of times each month. Nearly every time I speak about child sexual abuse, juvenile sex trafficking, or coerced abortion someone from the audience will approach me and tell me that they have experienced, at least some part of the things I’d shared from my own life. Since this was radio, one such response came in the form of an email.

I will not share the email with you, but I do think the response might bring comfort to someone. The core violation of sexual abuse is so intense, so shame inducing, and so traumatizing that it took great courage just to reach out in a private email. The person broke through all of that to ask me how I got past my past.

Perhaps, you would benefit from the overwhelming solidarity that I felt as I responded to the cry for help in dealing with a pain that lingers, basically forever.

Dear Survivor,

First, you are more courageous than you realize.

You have suffered the very worst betrayal and you have refused to die. You have developed relationships with other people, despite having been through the worst of what humanity has to offer.

As to ‘insisting on having a relationship’, I reject that notion with all my heart, mind, and soul. I do not believe you owe your rapist/abuser anything in this world. I offered only the decision to forgive, in the presence of God alone. Which, I will say, is an ongoing commitment that brings healing to me. I have zero contact with the abuser(s). That means I am free to be present with those I love and develop trusting relationships with the people around me. I never have to be afraid that he will get to me or my children, not by any of the wiles of the devil, manipulation, twisted guilt, or charm anyway.

My grandmother wanted one of my uncles, who had molested me to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I was prepared to leave the premises and marry elsewhere, before I would allow that to happen. So, I do know about family pressure.

This world is temporary. We have to be the best version of ourselves that we can be and that may mean distancing ourselves from relatives to preserve our own stability and integrity. The flashbacks, and the years of horror that were spurred by my uncles timely assault caused far too much pain to allow such an honor to taint my marriage.

How Healing Happened

Now, for getting through. It’s been years of ups and downs, one step forward and two steps back, two steps forward and one step back. The biggest breakthrough came when I realized that if I am breathing there’s still hope for a better future. No matter how the day went, tomorrow could be better. Being present in the moment may mean feeling the pain of a flashback or the joy of a spring songbird. Everything has it’s place.

It takes eternal vigilance with the help of Holy Spirit to guard our hearts. I used the supernatural power of the Scriptures to change my mind and rewire my brain with great intentionality. People are astonished that I’ve been through the things that I have because I am peaceful. I have written some of the most important portions and passages in an ebook on my website “Transformed -Renewing of the mind”on the Home Page.

I would stand in the mirror and speak to myself the way I spoke to my children, “I am a royal priesthood, a holy nation” “I am a daughter of the King of Kings” “God so loved me that He gave His only Begotten Son…” “Forgive one another…” “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth” and many more.

Every day, for years I saturated my life with Scripture, by reading and studying my Bible, but also in self-help books, music, art, conversation and projects that brought the Word of God to others, like teaching Sunday School or helping out at Vacation Bible School or writing a newsletter for the youth or serving on my state’s Right to Life Committee. Now I have the website, blog and I speak regularly.

Live Life Loving

Life is a process. It is not stagnant. We are never the same from one moment to the next. We are always getting better or bitter. The best news is that we choose.

When negative or bad thoughts come, we can bring all thoughts into the obedience of Christ. That takes effort to even think about. What is the obedience of Christ? What does that mean to the thought that we are dealing with at the moment? Does it mean that I discard it and replace it with another? Or do I need to let it dwell and meditate on it to enrich my life and my relationships?

Survivor, You are a treasure. You are so precious that the Creator of the entire universe loves you enough to leave heaven for 33 years, live in a human body, sleep on the ground at times while traveling to show and tell what God the Father is like, healing and ministering everywhere He went. Then despising the shame, He suffered horrific beatings, literally, to the point of being unrecognizable as human, and then He died, went to hell for three days and after all that, being fully exonerated -without sin- never once denying the perfect plan of restoration, He rose and ascended to heaven to prepare a place for us.

A place where there is no more tears, no more shame, and no shadow of death. There, the Tree of Life bears fruit every month for the healing of the nations, and the river of life flows from the throne of God. That promise is the hope we have.

You Are Important

That program is and was for you. You are the one God wanted to reach with it. He brought me thousands of miles and through many circumstances, so that you would know that He loves you and He wants you to be healed and restored and for you to live with Him forever in peace.